I Can, I Can’t, and Don’t Know

When I was young, my dad would often say to me, “If you say you can’t, you can’t.”

At the time, self-help tapes were very popular. The message was usually something like: I can! I can do it! I can do anything! Believe in myself!

But if we look closely at these two ideas—I can and I can’t—we can see that they are actually two sides of the same coin.

Both are based on the same thing: thinking about what I can or cannot do.

In 2006, I did a 90-day solo meditation retreat. Before the retreat, I asked my teacher to create a schedule for me. When I looked at the schedule he gave me, I immediately noticed that it included five sets of 200 prostrations every day.

That’s 1,000 prostrations a day!

I was a little nervous when I saw that. I had never done more than 500 prostrations in a day, and doing 1,000 a day for three months seemed like a lot.

On the third day of the retreat, I was bowing, bowing, and bowing. My legs were sore. My knees were sore. My back was sore.

Then a little voice in my mind appeared:

“Ah, day number three. There are 87 more days to go. Let’s see… 87 days times 1,000 prostrations. That’s 87,000 more prostrations! I can’t do that! That’s impossible!”

Then the opposite mind appeared:

“I can do it. I’ve sat so many long retreats. I lived in meditation centers for many years. Of course I can do it!”

Then:

“No, I can’t do it.”

“I can do it!”

“No, I can’t do it!”

“I can!”

“I can’t!”

At some point, though, both “I can” and “I can’t” disappeared.

What remained was:

“Don’t know if this is possible or not. But… this bow.”

Bow down. Get up.

This bow. Bow down. Get up.

This bow. Bow down. Get up.

I didn't need to know whether I could complete 87,000 more prostrations. I only needed to do the one in front of me.

When we let go of “I can” and “I can’t,” it is possible to become free from this constant struggle and stress.

This doesn't mean giving up or becoming passive. It means letting go of our ideas about what is possible and what is impossible, and instead meeting the moment clearly.

What is needed now?

Do that.

Then, what is needed?

Do that.

When we put our energy into what we actually need to do right now, our life becomes much clearer. We don't have to carry the weight of the past or try to figure out the entire future.

Just this moment.

Just this step.

Just this bow.

And when we stop being caught by “I can” and “I can't,” we may discover something deeper:

Who am I, before I decide what I can or cannot do?

So what about you?

Are you caught in “I can” or “I can’t”?

Or can you just not know—and take the next step?